It hadn’t really sunk in. What all it would mean, that is.
Ok, I knew I had a “life changing” injury and had just undergone three spinal surgeries, but what did “life changing” really mean? Does anyone actual consider the weight of those words, really? “Life changing.”
If none of this makes sense, then I think you may have skipped forward in the blog. Go back and read the others. I promise it’ll bring it all in focus.
Now, where was I?
A person would think that a two week stay in the neurology wing of a major university hospital might be a clue that they were in for a helluva ride. Not me. I didn’t get the hint. I just expected to go home, heal up, and move on. Maybe I was in denial but I just kept trying to tie the surgeons, nurses, and people around me to a time line back to normal. Normal to me meant work, running, triathlons and hunting of course. Well, that was a long way from what normal would come to mean to me over the coming days, weeks, months, and now years. And that redefining of my normal is what “life changing” meant to me. I would imagine it’s nearly the same for anyone.
RUSK
I was released to Rusk Rehabilitation Hospital in Columbia, Missouri and for the next two weeks I would gradually come to grips with what I had done and just how bad (and how lucky) I was. Pain was (and likely will always be) a constant companion. It was with me every minute of every day and night. At times it was completely debilitating, mostly at night. Other times I was functional, at least on a basic level. And then there were the orders not to get out of bed without help and once up to wear a GOD-AWFUL brace that looked like I was starting to transform into something from Star Wars. I was so very weak. Can you picture needing help with everything from sitting up in bed to using the toilet? Life changing. But that is why I was there. They were going to rehabilitate me. They were showing me what my new normal was and what “life changing” really means. My stay at Rusk will always be a time I will remember as nothing short of blessed. They took great care of me and I made friends whom I ill never forget and possibly never see again. I hope they know they are forever in my heart.
The Simple Little Things
I could list for you all the challenges each day brought. The list would bore you and be repetitive. So I won’t. But I am going to ask a question. Whats the simplest thing you do each day without really paying it much attention? What one thing do you take for granted? I’m not asking about bodily functions or senses. I’m asking about tasks you never thought would be an obstacle to overcome. For me it was socks. No really. It was socks. I mean how often do you even think about the task of putting them on or taking them off? I never did and now someone was putting them on my feet for me. I could not bend far enough over to reach them. The little bending I did attempt brought a jolt of searing electrical shock through my back and down my legs. I would shake in fear of that pain when I went to therapy. So socks became one of my enemies. As I got stronger and as part of my “occupational” therapy they gave me a device, a tool of sorts, to help me with putting my socks on and a stick with a strong metal wire hook at the end for removing them.
I still struggle with socks among other things years later. This is part of my normal. The reality of my life, as it was to be, that socks and every day tasks would be a challenge. The simple things are life changing when you can’t do them. I’ve stopped hoping I’ll wake up some day feeling like I used to, “normal.” Whatever that was. To be more precise, I doubt I’ll ever be feeling like I think I used to. No pain, full of energy and with little to no struggles to face me, I’m slowly forgetting how that. Gradually I’m accepting what “life changing” is. The key is to not really remember not how I used to feel but to realize I have life left in me. I’m one of the fortunate ones who did end up “walking away” from my fall. I am still capable of most anything I did before. Many hunters who fall don’t ever get up to make it out of the woods. They never even get a new normal. So these changes aren’t so bad really. We all go through them. Some don’t do it quite as dramatically as did I. But still they do happen. I hope for you they happen for the best. In ways I cannot explain mine have to some degree. Take care friends, and be careful.
Till Next Time~
Tim
